Presume Competence and Go From There

One of the most common challenges faced by the disability community isn’t our own discomfort, but that of others around us. Whether in social settings, at work, in medical appointments, or elsewhere, people’s discomfort — often rooted in ignorance — can create awkward, even harmful, interactions.

Learning From a Wide Range of Experiences

Throughout my life, I’ve had the great pleasure of working with people from a wide range of backgrounds and experiences. I’ve learned about different cultures, disabilities, ages, stages of life, family dynamics, and levels of independence — and how all these complex factors shape the ways we view, approach, and treat people with disabilities.

The Assumption of Incompetence

In my roles, I’ve witnessed countless types of interactions. Sadly, one of the most common patterns is an assumption of incompetence. Because of how someone looks, the mobility aids they use, or the behaviors they display, people are quick to talk down to them. On one hand, I appreciate that people are willing to engage; on the other, it can be belittling and offensive.

My advice? Presume competence and go from there. If you’re interacting with a child, treat them accordingly. But if someone is clearly a teenager or an adult, speak to them just as you would anyone else their age. If they are with a loved one or caregiver, trust that person to help guide the conversation if needed.

Talk To the Person, Not About Them

One of the most damaging habits is talking about the person rather than to them. I cannot count the times someone has approached me and started asking questions about the person I was accompanying instead of speaking directly to them. If someone has a companion, that companion will help guide the conversation if truly needed — but start by addressing the person themselves.

If your conversation feels like the way you’d talk to a dog’s owner, you’re doing it wrong. Don’t make assumptions. You might be right — but you might also be completely wrong. Presume competence and go from there.

Offer Assistance When Needed, Respect Independence

If someone is alone and appears to need assistance, of course offer help. But if someone is going about their day just fine, let them be. Approach them the same way you would approach anyone else — in a grocery store, waiting room, mall, or bar.

Real-Life Lessons

During my time as a job placement coordinator, I supported people with all types of disabilities in finding and keeping employment. One person, who used a power wheelchair, drove herself and was applying for paralegal positions.

What struck me most was how often people underestimated her abilities—they spoke down to her, did things for her without asking, or completely ignored her and spoke to me instead. This behavior wasn’t just discourteous; it reinforced harmful assumptions that people with disabilities are less capable or need constant help.

These experiences highlighted the critical importance of presuming competence—recognizing that, regardless of how someone appears or what accommodations they use, they deserve to be treated with respect and spoken to directly. When we fail to do this, we create barriers not only to communication but also to opportunities for independence and growth.

Disability Disclosure in the Workplace

Recently, I spoke at a human resources conference. Using a virtual tool, I anonymously asked how many attendees identified as having a disability; more than half of the 50 participants said yes. Yet when I asked how many had disclosed their disability to their employer, only nine had. None had disclosed on a job application or during the hiring process.

I’ve experienced this myself: I’ve only ever disclosed my disability after being hired, usually when an issue arose and I needed accommodations or support for specific tasks.

Any time I’ve disclosed my disability to an employer, there is a feeling — real or perceived — of pity and concern that I am now unable to perform the job I was hired for. When we create a culture of inclusion and acceptance, people can discuss disabilities during the hiring process without fear of discrimination. This helps establish a culture of proactive support, leading to a more successful, open, and productive environment.

If we lived in a world where we perceived competence — especially in light of a disclosed disability — we would all thrive.

The Manager’s Perspective

I’ve also been on the other side as a manager. When an employee discloses a disability, managers often feel instantly on alert: What does this mean for us? What do we have to do? What can I say or not say? We were about to start a performance improvement plan — and now this comes up?

This is the culture we have created, driven by fear and lack of knowledge.

Culture Change Is Needed

Programs exist to encourage hiring people with disabilities — such as targets to reach 7% of your workforce or tax incentives — but these alone do not change culture.

My mission is to help organizations transform their culture by fostering open communication and encouraging proactive disclosure before problems arise. I want to calm fearful questions and replace ignorance with understanding.

I believe workplaces can celebrate diverse ways of thinking and value lived experiences, which bring fresh perspectives and creative problem-solving.

Normalize Disclosure Personally and Professionally

Disclosing a disability shouldn’t be frightening, stressful, or involve hours of meetings. It should feel natural. The person with a disability should feel safe to say, “I have a disability; here’s where I may struggle, and here’s what helps me.”

The employer should feel confident to ask, “How can we support you?” and help put reasonable accommodations in place.

The same applies beyond the workplace — personal relationships, community spaces, and social settings should foster an environment where disability can be disclosed without shame or fear.

By normalizing these conversations and presuming competence — personally and professionally — we build trust, strengthen understanding, and empower people to show up fully as themselves.

Presume competence — and go from there.